Wedding Wednesday-Broken Engagement

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Yesterday, while not being able to sleep, I skimmed through facebook statuses to see what's going on with everyone. (don't act like you don't do this every once an awhile)  An old friend, put this in her status..."what doesn't kill you makes you stronger".  Hmm, whenever I see that, I feel like something is up.  So, that intriged me to read some posts on her wall. (Lame, I know) and then I saw this...

when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. Eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Its hard to let go of that fairy tale cause everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.

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Not so good, right?  But it's true, we always have that fantasy.  However, being engaged is hard work.  It's not all smiles and rainbows everyday.  You have all these people barking questions at you and criticizing your decisions that they just pushed you to make.  It's rough but also a lot of fun at times too, people just only talk about the fun stuff.  Let's say, god forbid, the engagment is broken off.  Ugh, all the family and friends you have to tell.  Once, again, rough.  However, this leads us to the bridal shrink question of the post...

Bridal shrink-

Long story short,  Do you give back the ring?

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It's a tough call.  I asked CK, to hear from a boy's perspective, and he said

"uh, you have to, it's the law.  That's why they tell you not to do it on Christmas or a birthday because it could be perceived as a real gift, which it is not."

He answered it so, like matter-of-a-fact.  I was almost annoyed, though I do think it's probably better to give it back I guess, I was surprised at his intense response.  So, I did some research.  This site said the following...

Engagement Ring Etiquette and Legality

Before you consider the right choice when it comes to etiquette, it’s important to know the laws in your state. The woman may not have any option but to return the ring by law. Several states have laws that consider engagement rings to be “conditional gifts,” which means the woman can only keep the ring if the marriage takes place. However, some state courts have rejected this idea. Sometimes, state courts award the ring to the person who wasn’t to be blamed for the break-up. This means that if your fiance is the one to call of the engagement, you may be legally entitled to the ring. Since these laws vary from state to state and are changing with each new court case, you’ll need to do a little research to find out what is legally required in your state. It’s never a bad idea to check with an attorney to be sure.

Heirloom Ring Etiquette and Legality

In some situations, the engagement ring is an heirloom in the man’s family. If your ring belonged to your ex-fiance’s mother or grandmother, returning the ring is probably a necessity for both legal compliance and proper etiquette. Whether or not the man accepts, you should always offer to return an heirloom engagement ring.

Should You Always Return a Ring?

So what if your ring isn’t an heirloom and your state doesn’t legally require you to return it? In that case, it comes down to broken engagement ring etiquette. Most etiquette experts believe the woman should always offer to return the ring, regardless of fault or value. As with all etiquette rules, this one has an exception. If you bought the ring with your own money, or if you and your fiance both financially contributed to buying the ring, you may be entitled to keep it. Otherwise, it is proper etiquette to at least offer to return your engagement ring.

The man may not accept the ring’s return, in which case, you have fulfilled your social responsibility and can do as you wish with the ring. If you choose to sell your engagement ring or give it away, it is more polite to keep this information private.

Hmm, I never thought of the legal components of this issue, did you? Apparently it seems CK might have been right with his response.  The site continues by giving tips on how to return the ring...

  

Tips for Returning a Ring

Weddings and engagements are full of etiquette rules, but it can be difficult to figure out exactly how to return a ring after a broken engagement. Ring etiquette rules only go so far, and then you’re on your own. These tips may help:

• Act as quickly as you can. Offer to return the ring as soon as the wedding cancellation is official. That way, no one is left wondering about loose ends.

• If possible, return the ring in its original box, and include any documentation you have. You may have a statement about your ring’s value, and this should go with the ring.

• If you have concerns about future legal issues, consider documenting the return of the ring or bringing an impartial witness along for the interaction. Try to do this as unobtrusively as possible, but as with all things related to returning a ring, legal considerations should come first.

• Be polite and businesslike in the return of the ring. Don’t exchange insults or get drawn into a conflict, especially if other people are present.

• If your ex-fiance insists you keep the ring, thank him politely.

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In the end however, if I was talking to my old friend and not to a client, I'd say, F-him!  If he can't hang during the beginning of an engagement, It's a good thing he left now, and not a week before the wedding, when you couldn't get your money back.  There's a reason why this happen and I am sure there is someone out there 10 times better. Right?

Would you give back the ring?

Gotta Question?? Email me at Bridalshrink@gmail.com